I have always suspected that the above expression was a load of hooey. 

After all, I’d rather spend my time on the beach in Costa Rica than on the plane on the way there.  Although I’m not a mom, I’m guessing holding a baby is more edifying that the swollen ankles and nausea of pregnancy and having gone back to school for interior design, I’d rather be standing here holding my diploma (figuratively…I don’t actually have any idea where the literal paper is) than cutting out foam core for hypothetical house models and driving two hours round trip to Cullowhee everyday.  

What got me out on the wrong side of the bed today? 

I’m ready to be DONE with this house!!!!  We’re at the point where we’re ALMOST THERE, but every time I turn, I see a thousand things that still need to be done….it’s sort of the point in the house move when you want to start dumping whole drawers into boxes rather than wrapping everything individually in cellophane.  Kidding really….I am not cutting corners during the final phases….y’all already know I’m not actually DOING anything – just telling other people what to do.  I just wish they’d do it faster!

So…here are some progress shots of actual tile and cabinets going in!  They are coming to refinish the wood floors on Monday so truly, measurable progress is taking place….just ignore my bitching and moaning.

View from back room - suffused with light and a man named Eddie who clearly thinks highly of himself.

Kitchen and Dale

More Kitchen More Dale

Looking through to back room…kitchen is on your right.  There will be a raised bar on the wall where that tool belt is resting.

Blue pennyround tile in upstairs bathroom that is so cute I want to marry it.  The tile, not the bathroom because that would be weird.

Big shower waiting for some snazzy tile work…you will see a guest starring appearance from the carrera subway tile that was such a hit at Starnes.  Note marble tile on floor.

Nice sunny window beneath which to sit and ponder the mysteries of the universe….on a toilet.

OK folks….that’s all I have for you at this point.  

And just to clarify….I get the whole metaphorical resonance of the “journey”….I embrace it and journal about it daily on my yoga mat while in lotus position.  I’m just ready to get my St. Christopher statue and bury it upside down in the front yard under a “for sale” sign.  Enough already!

You’ve taken back the night…You’ve taken back your streets…and now I’m going to take back my backyard.  Why?  Because my name is not Sanford and I do not have a son.

Not me…yet.

Here’s a current inventory of the detritus outside my backdoor:

·         * Leaves dating from fall 2007.

·         * Dog poop.

·         * A pile of stained, shredded carpet tiles that ironically, will figure prominently in my upcoming magazine feature (in their former incarnation as actual carpet tiles on an actual floor).

                                          Carpet tiles in better days.

·         * Dog poop.

·         * A pair of running shoes worn during poison ivy extraction and thereby thoroughly irradiated.

·         * A plastic headband (I have no idea how this ended up there, I don’t wear a lot of headbands in my backyard).

·         * A dog bed that no dog has used.

·         * Dog poop.

·         * An open trashcan of moldy bird seed.

·         * Two pans that the dogs had a go at after I couldn’t clean the scrambled eggs that were shellacked to the bottom of it.

·         * Dog poop….why o why o why can’t dog poop have the same magical qualities as chicken, goat, horse or cow manure?  This, I think, is one of the proofs that we live in a fallen world.

II   I don’t know why I haven’t brought myself to actually throwing these things away. I’m sort of like that husband who abandons his dirty dishes on the counter right above the open dishwasher.  I think partly it’s because it would be an admission that I somehow failed those running shoes and carpet tiles by not protecting them from dog or poison ivy.  A living (well, actually inanimate) embodiment of a failure to follow through. O my word, it sounds like I need a one-way ticket to therapy…it’s getting uncomfortable here, n’est-ce pas?

So, this morning, I made baby steps.  The pans have been bleached, boiled and buffed.  Some leaves have been raked and some poop has been scooped.  I’m keeping expectations low for progress – I have to protect my self esteem.

I have a vision though….a reason to dream.

I think I’ve tooted this ladies horn before on my blog, but it’s worth doing again because I find her utterly inspirational.  Her blog is www.theartofdoingstuff.com and she did this to her backyard:

Now, she’s the first to admit that she practically killed herself in the process and, let’s face it, she doesn’t have some of my challenges…namely two dogs. So, I’m setting my sights a little lower.

When I first moved into my house, sans dogs, my sister and I went to a snazzy nursery and spent untold amounts of money on enough plants to cramp a green thumb.  Ten years later, these plants are a distant memory and I have to come to terms with the fact that any landscaping in my future has got to take four-legged beasts into account (and I don’t mean of the gentle feline variety).

I think I’ve arrived at the perfect solution for this.  Clean up and mulch or gravel the bulk of the yard and go vertical with the plants.

Step one….replace my standard issue vertical slat econo fence with this (courtesy of www.heavypetal.ca) :

Nice clean backdrop for these babies:

These magical gardens are comprised of something called wooly pockets.  My preference would be for the wooly pockets to be accompanied by the pool, but for now, that might not be feasible.

My idea would be to have a nice grouping of these wooly pockets in the center of the back fence (away from peeing dogs), flanked by potted trees in some cool, simple planters.  

We’ll see if the money tree I planted recently in my front yard allows me to bring this plan to fruition come this spring….somehow I doubt it.  But, if this inspiration can see me through to at least keep my cookware from fossilizing in my backyard, it’s worth it to dream.

Have any of y’all come up with good strategies to make a cool garden coexist with bad dogs?  I’d love to see some pics!

Boy, that title is super poorly worded, n’est-ce pas?

Because everyone likes progress, I’m giving you some during shots…and some hints about what these pics actually are.

Weird, dark, paneled back room BEFORE

This room features an off-center door, inappropriately large window, and lovely acoustical ceiling tile.

DURING

On our way…we’ve brought symmetry and mucho light to the room.  We also have a lovely array of power tools.  I know how to use each and every one of them.

BEFORE Itty-bitty kitchen with an inconvenient peninsula.

AFTER: We’re wide-open up in here!

BEFORE:  Powder room…not for tall or wide people.

AFTER:  Room for masters (and mistresses) of the house to use as they please….eventually.

BEFORE: Dining room and small random room.

AFTER:  Master Suite, incorporating laundry / linen room to the left and walk-in closet to the right.  HUGE master bedroom beyond (well, huge by bungalow standards…I’m not a magician people.)

Through the wall:

In other good news…the upstairs bathroom has been reconfigured and I will no longer be using the silly vanity I ordered.  Coming soon to Craigslist: one silly vanity.